Just asking.

I have a tale to tell, but first, a disclaimer:

Although this little story involves my son and his music, it is not meant as any particular form of praise for his abilities. I am no judge of my son's talent. I love him fiercely and anything he does is golden, nay, platinum, in my eyes. This is only a story of will, not skill.

When my son was a high school freshman, he auditioned for the smallest, most elite singing group in the music department. He didn't get in, but he was accepted for the larger, still good, chamber choir. This made him happy; however, he went to the music teacher that year and said, "My goal is to be in the smaller group. What do I need to improve in order to achieve that?"

She gave him a list of things he needed to work on. He worked on them all year. He even took private voice lessons. In his sophomore year, he got into the smaller group.

By then, he knew he wanted a career in music, so he went back to his teacher. "What classes should I take if I want to major in music? What school would be a good fit for me? What else should I be doing?"

The music teacher gave him the information, and he followed her advice. He took music theory, he applied to strong music schools, and he auditioned for, and participated in, state choirs. Everything he did built his resume and helped him meet and network with both professors and professionals.

Today, he is a freshman at the Bob Cole Conservatory of Music, at California State University, Long Beach. He's studying vocal performance, having a great time, and finding his classes fairly easy because he was prepared.

There was another student in my son's high school classes, a lovely girl with a nice voice. As a freshman, she also auditioned for the small group and didn't get in, but she got into chamber. She was happy and didn't ask for more. For three more years, she auditioned for the small group, got into chamber, and was happy. She didn't try out for any state choirs, didn't take any theory classes, and didn't ask the music teacher for any advice.

When it was time to choose a school and a major, she chose music. After all, she had a lovely voice. What could be so difficult about singing?

I saw her mom in the store and she asked how my son was doing in school.

"He loves it," I said. "He's having a really good time. How's your daughter?"

"She has so much work. All the theory and stuff is really hard, and she didn't get any kind of preparation from the high school teacher."

I could have told her that my son got lots of help, and that all she had to do was ask, but I didn't. I figured it was water under the bridge now, and there was no way to keep it from sounding neener-neener-smug.

There's a lesson in this story, no matter if you're a writer or a singer or anyone with a goal of success at anything: what are you willing to do for it? If you're a writer, what do you do with rejection slips? Do you shrug your shoulders and send a query to the next agent on the list? Or do you take another look at your manuscript? Have you taken classes, joined a writing group, or hired a free lance editor? Are you making it better?

Or do you just spin your wheels in the same spot and blame someone else for not spoon feeding you the information?

Just asking.

Sorry seems to be the hardest word

If you're anywhere near a newspaper, or a TV news report or the Internet, you know what happened yesterday in Arizona. A man opened fire at a supermarket in Tucson, where a congresswoman was meeting with her constituents. Six dead, about a dozen injured, including the congresswoman, Gabrielle Giffords, who was shot in the head.

Typing those words makes my fingers numb.

Being hunkered down in my home in southern California, I had never heard of Rep. Giffords before today. And now I may never forget her.

Apart from the details of the shooting, the shooter's possible motives and mental state, everyone is now lit up with talk about the "vitriolic political atmosphere" that has been growing on this country like mildew in my shower ever since we elected President Obama. Currently, I'm watching the array of fingers that are out and pointing, hoping that in time, some of the fingers might turn and face their owners.

I'm sure the gun shop who sold the gun will shrug and say, "He passed the tests. It's not our fault he used the gun to shoot a 9-year old girl."

The politicos who have used violent rhetoric to stir up their followers will say, "When I said we need to keep these people in our crosshairs, I never meant to hunt them down. I was just using the image to make a point."

Then everyone will agree that some people use guns safely and some people understand language correctly and no one can control these nutcases anyway, so why change things?

I'd like to suggest that we need to try. We need to step up to the plate, own our actions and our words and commit to making this country a safe place to be who you are and express yourself without fear of violence or reprisal. I'm saying this for all groups, all parties, everyone. It's time to get along.

So maybe it's time for people to say, "I'm sorry. Maybe I was misunderstood. Maybe we let someone slip through the cracks. Definitely, we should try harder." Perhaps the politicians who are using violent images in their speeches could offer us a couple of words that say, "I'm so sorry that this crazy person took my words literally. I'm going to change the way I say things from now on." And no, you can't stop unbalanced people from hanging around your group, but you can let them know they are not welcome if they bring a sword to the table; only olive branches are accepted. Stop feeding them the words that stoke their craziness.

It's a common fact that most people respond better to "I" statements than "you" statements. No one wants to hear, "You're wrong about x." Most people, in fact, will bristle and dig deeper in their side of the argument. But try saying, "That may be true, but I think this way about x." See how much better that is for everyone? You allow other people to have their beliefs while you express yours. The only thing you have to abandon is your desire to control someone else. Since we've already agreed that we have no control over crazy people, is it so hard to stop trying to control the rest of the population?

And perhaps gun purchases should also be dependent upon some proof of sanity. Just saying.

A new book for a new year

A quick post today, folks, introducing my latest book, which is now available on Amazon:









Gorgeous, yes? The cover art was designed by the fabulous Joe Felipe of Market Me Graphics. Love. Him.



People kept asking me when I was going to publish a book of my columns, and I kept saying, gee yes, I should do that. But when I approached agents/editors/publishers, their response was lukewarm at best.





"Yes, that sounds like a great idea, but you're not famous. Come back and see us when you're Dave Barry."





Not to sound pissy, but when I'm Dave Barry, I don't need to go see them. I might need to see a specialist, however.





So I decided to try out Amazon's CreateSpace program. You write the book, send them your stuff and they publish it. You get a bunch more money per sale than if you went the traditional route, and you have more control.





Control is not always a good thing. Having never published my own book before, I had to go a few rounds with them on page count, margin size, etc. Most of these corrections were because I didn't know what I was doing. Fortunately, CreateSpace was willing to work with me on fixing things. They do charge a little money for their part of the process, and they waived certain fees with me because they understood my floundering.





Now all I have to do is let everyone in the universe know it's out there so the people who like to laugh can buy it and get a giggle or two.





I don't have any signings lined up, but if you live near me and you buy a copy, let me know and I'll come sign it for you. Hell, I'll read it to you if you like. It'll be fun. We can do lunch.





Call me.

Happy Holidays, ooh-ooh!

Now that my house is clean and everything's under control (she says with her fingers crossed dear god dear god let everything stay under control), let's talk about the Christmas letter. First of all, thanks for all your comments (most of you made them on Facebook). The winning photo is...

Number 2!

The horses' ears are not pointing forward, but the people are all looking up and smiling, Katy is not turning her back to the camera, Duffy is almost-sitting, and my jawline has not been completely swallowed by my wrinkles, so it's a winner.

Along with the photo, I always write a letter. It's actually how I began my writing "career". After the first letter, people kept telling me I needed to write for real. After the second letter, the arguments began in other households - "Why can't you write a good Christmas letter like the Carlines?" Now that I do write for real, the pressure escalates every year.

I think everyone needs to be confident about one thing they do well. Maybe it's playing a sport, or cooking a meal, or being good at your job. I can honestly say, without bravado, I know I 'm good at Christmas letters. I've read some really good ones and some really bad ones, and I've learned how to do it well.

The trick is to get in and out of your year in one page. If you can do it with a jaunty smile and a hope for peace on earth, good will to everyone, more's the better. If your year has been a hot mess, then do it with poignant grace, and still be hopeful for a better new year.

Here's my letter for 2010:

Wishing you all Peace on Earth, Good Will to Everyone!

Please enjoy the music while we try to reach your party.

Okay, peeps, this week I am trying to get the house both decorated AND cleaned, in anticipation of our Sunday GumboFest and Football-a-Palooza. Dale makes great gumbo, and we invite all our friends, whether they like football or not. I'm not the biggest football fan in the universe (probably 1,906,542 in Amazon rankings), so I'll be wandering through the house yakking to people, offering a bit of wine/beer/soda, and generally enjoying the company.

It's all fun but leaves me with NO time to do much else. So while I'm busy, please enjoy these Christmas videos:

1. Dean Martin singing "White Christmas" - yes, I know Bing is the definitive version, and this video clip kind of bugs me because the voice is off-sync with his lips BUT-BUT-BUT if anyone could wish for a White Christmas, it would be an Ohio transplant (Dino) AND there are horses in the video, too. You know I'm a sucker for horses.




2. Alvin and the Chipmunks - At Christmas, they used to play this song constantly at Goldblatt's Plaza, back in Decatur, Illinois, outside the window display of animated critters that were supposed to be chipmunks. Today I would probably think it's cheesy, but when I was a kiddo, I was entranced. This is the original version.




3. Lights! Music! Action! What video-ganza would be complete without a view of some over-lit house choreographed to music?



Enjoy.