"The notion that such persons are gay of heart and carefree is curiously untrue. They lead, as a matter of fact, an existence of jumpiness and apprehension. They sit on the edge of the chair of Literature. In the house of Life they have the feeling that they have never taken off their overcoats."
- James Thurber, My Life and Hard Times

Sunday, May 12, 2013

A Mom clears things up

Mother's Day is nearly over. Facebook has been awash in sentiments today, all lauding the wonderful mothers who have dug in deep, worked hard, and loved endlessly.

I've written a couple of posts about the day and being a mom, etc. One was in 2009, where I paid homage to a couple of real muthas, along with the next-day follow up of my own reasons for being glad I'm a mom.

In 2011, I wrote of a truth I don't discuss much, unless it's in the company of very close friends and sometimes not even then. During this day, when everyone is crazy happy proud of the woman who raised them, it's hard to be that child on the sidelines going, "yeah, not so much for me."

So today, I'd just like to make a few things clear:

1. For those of you with wonderful moms, cherish them. You don't need to gush over them every day, but be happy to hear their voices and say Please and Thank You a little more often. And if your wonderful mom has left you and you miss her, I am so sorry for your loss. I wish you peace. More than that, I wish for you the capability to see your mother in your own eyes, in your hands, in the way you laugh or hold a cup of coffee. Let her live in you.

2. For those of you on the sidelines with me, having a not-wonderful mom is not the end of the world. You certainly learn what not to do. In some ways, it frees you to seek a different path, to find a new way of being. And do not worry if you cannot ever reconcile with them, even at the end. Blame and fault-finding and apologies are a waste of time. They were not able to parent you. It is what it is.

3. As for myself, I count my time as a mom as the best part of my life. Yes, I traded my waistline for a son. I often stressed about juggling time between my work, my baby, and my need for sleep. I second-guessed every decision I made, apologized when I knew I screwed up, and still yet worry that I have instilled fears in him that I tried to avoid. But if I could go back in time and actually SEE the paths that were available to me, I would not have chosen any other way.

Marcus sent me this video for Mother's Day.

I love the boy already, so this just makes me happy that I love him.


Tameri Etherton said...

Ah Gayle, you know I'm there with you on the sidelines. It's tough, but like you say, it is what it is. I'm learning to navigate this new normal and yes, I feel guilty that I'm looking for that day when I have that sense of relief.

But there is what I've learned from my mom and those gifts I hold dear. Many of the things you learned from your mom are the same things I learned. Funny how our moms are so similar, but then probably not when I look at the two of us. We're kind of kickass moms and totally cool women, so not surprising at all. :)

I got the best call from my wild, independent, heart stopping daughter yesterday and you know what? I wouldn't have her any other way. I love how zany she is! My sweet, computer geek son made me breakfast and let me go hang out with another writer for a wild play thing downtown, then snuggled with me to watch Doctor Who. It was an awesome Mother's Day.

I have the most amazing husband and kids and my friends, girl, they are bar none the best!

Love you!

Gayle Carline said...

We got lucky, Baby.

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