"The notion that such persons are gay of heart and carefree is curiously untrue. They lead, as a matter of fact, an existence of jumpiness and apprehension. They sit on the edge of the chair of Literature. In the house of Life they have the feeling that they have never taken off their overcoats."
- James Thurber, My Life and Hard Times

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Clapton is OMG!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I will be on a vacation, if you can call visiting relatives "vacationing" all next week, so if I'm not Johnny-on-the-spot with comments and emails and general e-communicating, it's because I can't find any WiFi in Decatur, Illinois.

And now, on to our topic of the day.


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I have a list of men who make me giggle like a school girl. I suspect I'm not the only woman with such a list. Men have their lists, too - although they probably don't feel the urge to giggle.

At the top of my list is Eric Clapton. He's been there since 1972, when I went to the movies with a date and saw Concert for Bangladesh. My date was bored (and boring), but I was enrapt. The camera did a slow pan from the stage to this:




It's not a very clear picture, but it's from the album, History of Eric Clapton, which I immediately went out and bought after seeing him. He was so beautiful, standing there, playing with a quiet command of the guitar. I was in love, and his music, I soon learned, was brilliant - a twofer!

Little did I know that Clapton, at the time of the concert, was so deeply in the grip of drug abuse, his friends doubted he would live much longer. Thankfully, he overcame his addiction and went on to write and play more great music.



Last year, I went to see him in concert for the first time. I tried to get my guitarist son, Marcus, to join me, but he resisted, so I took a girlfriend. Eric was just as quiet and unassuming as ever, but his music spoke volumes. I came home from the concert babbling about how great it was, for about two weeks, until Marcus finally sighed and told me, "Man, now I wish I'd have gone."

So when Eric Clapton and Steve Winwood brought their tour to the Hollywood Bowl, I asked Marcus if he wanted to go. This time, he said yes. The trip was mostly uneventful, if you don't count the fact that the shuttle parking lot was full and I had to find street parking (did I mention parallel parking is not in my DNA?), and the trip home took almost two hours because the freakin' freeway was closed for construction.

But the concert itself was heaven. Steve Winwood has the same musical authority over keyboards that Clapton has over the guitar - phenomenal. And whoever is in charge of translating the stage action into what's shown on the Jumbotron screens should be given a medal, and a whole lotta money. The camera work focused on Clapton's (and Winwood's) hands, to showcase their skills.

Here's what they looked like:




Marcus loved it so much he requested a souvenir t-shirt, something I usually have to ask if he wants. We fought our way into the booth, then fought our way out of the booth and joined the herd of people looking for the shuttle back to the parking lot. My minivan, parked on the street, awaited us, unharmed. It was a good evening.

The only blemish on the event was when a man (probably my age but looking older) asked Marcus if the seat next to him was taken. It was, technically, since I had bought an extra ticket. I'm pretty anal about this at events: did you pay for this seat? Then no, it's not available, off you go, etc. But Marcus said no, so the man sat down… and proceeded to light up a joint. I'm proud to report my inner
Peri rose to the occasion.

"Excuse me," I reached across my son to get the moron's attention. "Could ya NOT do that in front of my SIXTEEN-year old?"

It was said in a combination of sarcasm and "I'm a mom and I know how to use it," and startled the guy so much, he stubbed out the joint and said, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Five seconds later he left to find a friendlier corner to light up.

One of the bright points of the evening, besides sharing music I love with my teenager, was to discuss the technique of each musician, and the differences between playing jazz, rock and blues. We noted that, while Winwood is a very capable guitarist, his hands look more at ease at the keyboard. Clapton's fingers are completely relaxed when he plays, even when the music is blisteringly fast.

They were both prime examples of the best of any talent, whether it's in the arts, or sports or even the mundane everyday jobs - the best make it look easy. Clapton's fingers slide up and down the frets like he's merely breathing in and out. Winwood's hands ripple across the keys like someone running along a path. It took them years to get to this point, but their combination of hard work and talent produced results.

For the writers here, do you think this translates to what we do? At what point have you written enough words that you can call yourself a vocabulary virtuoso?
Stephen King says, in On Writing, there are four categories of writers: bad, competent, good and brilliant, and that you can't turn a bad writer into a good writer or a good writer into a brilliant writer, but you can turn a competent writer into a good one.

What do you think separates the good from the brilliant, in any endeavor?

I will leave you with a clip of one of my favorite Clapton/Winwood numbers, Presence of the Lord. Marcus had never listened to the whole song, and was amazed by the shift into blazing hot guitar territory from the unassuming blues intro. Enjoy.


Wednesday, July 1, 2009

What's Cookin?

Call me an idiot. Go ahead, I can take it. I had my first guest blog today, and I forgot to put a pointer to it from my own blog, which makes it look like it's not as big a deal as it feels to me. It's a huge deal and I'm very grateful that Amy made the offer.

I had shared a carrot cake recipe with Amy Alessio, whose blog, "Vintage Cookbooks", contains recipes that sound delicious. She asked if I would like to guest blog and, of course, I leaped forward without looking and said, "Yes!"

The thing is, Peri doesn't cook. As a matter of fact, when asked about it in one scene, she replies, "I used to think 'peel back cover and cook for three minutes' was an old family recipe." (I may have stolen that joke from Paula Poundstone... or Rosie O'Donnell... or...?) So how could I spin a guest spot on a cooking blog when my protagonist doesn't even know her cup sizes?

As usual, it came to me while I showered: write what would happen if Peri tried to make my carrot cake recipe. It turned out to be a fun exercise. You can read it here: http://vintagecookbooks.blogspot.com/2009/07/author-gayle-carlines-carrot-cake.html

It's yummy and it's funny - enjoy!


Saturday, June 20, 2009

The view from the Big Comfy Chair.

I once told a co-worker that my perfect job would be to sit in a big, comfy chair and give people my opinion all day, to which he replied, "Apart from the big, comfy chair, what would be the difference?" It's true, although I don't see it as giving my opinion, I just view it as sharing the information I have tucked into my gray matter.

And I have a lot of info in my gray matter. I can't help but remember stupid bits of flotsam and jetsam that are only useful on a game show. It's possible, if I don't open my mouth and share some of this trivia, my brain cells might overload and shut all my circuits down, so I open my mouth often to let some of the data escape.

We wouldn't want my brain to implode, would we?

One area where I do not venture with advice is romance. Honestly, I don't know how people get together, why they stay together, and especially, why they "part amicably." If you're not throwing the good china at your soon-to-be ex-partner, why are you breaking up?

I just saw a commercial for one of those dating services (okay, I'll be brave – it was eHarmony), where one of the men looks into the camera and says, "The questionnaire really takes the work out of finding someone."

Work? You mean, the work involved in talking to people, making friends with them, finding out if you have anything in common, falling in love? Listen, Buddy, I got a shocker for you: if you think dating is work, you are in no shape for marriage.

I have a great marriage; we have complimentary personalities, we treat our partnership as a team, and we treat each other with respect. That being said, we still work at not running over each other in the driveway because he won't put his socks in the hamper and I find excuses for not wanting to go to the Dodgers game.

It's a good thing I write a humor column and not an advice column. Otherwise, I'd be telling people things like this:

Dear Miss Taken,

My girlfriend just dumped me for the second time. I'm miserable. The first time she broke up with me, I was sad and weepy and sat around, strumming my guitar and singing EMO songs. This time, I'm just mad and want to hit people with my guitar. Is this normal?

Signed,
Sad, Mad & Feeling Had

* * * * * *

Dear SMFH,

No, it's not normal. Why were you expecting normal from a relationship? There's nothing normal about them. They rip out your heart, rub salt in the wound and feed it back to you with sour milk. You want normal? Join a monastery. Oh, and leave that girl alone. Being dumped twice should have taught you something, or you're also the biggest moron on the planet.

Sanely,
Miss Taken

As you can see, my advice to the lovelorn could result in the end of marriage, the annihilation of the planet, and would really mess up my comfy chair.

How about you? Do you like to give advice, or take it?

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Why I love Dean Martin

I was doing my Blog Book Tour homework today, doing some Googley searches on blogs I might be able to guest on, when I found something WONDERFUL.

http://ilovedinomartin.blogspot.com/2009/06/her-latest-case-involves-client-benny.html

A Dean Martin blog - with an entry that talks about me! I'm absolutely thrilled. They even posted a (very nice) review of my book.

I'm as tickled as Sally Field on Oscar night!

Friday, June 12, 2009

Ho-ome-ward bound.

In addition to my novel, Freezer Burn, being released in August and my launch party for said book in July, I've got other things to do this summer, one of which is to return to my hometown for a familial visit.

I often tease that my husband makes me visit my family every other year, but I'm not teasing by that much. I left Decatur, Illinois (the Soybean Capital of the World) because there were not enough opportunities for a young, smart chick to become anything other than a young wife who lived in a trailer park with her kids and husband, who worked at one of the local factories, third shift because that's what paid the most... I think you get the gist of my opinion.

Although, Decatur does have Millikin University, a really nice, if small, private college with a wonderful school of music and school of art.

And let's leave the discussion of my family for another time, or possibly dimension. I love my brother and sis-in-law; they and their brood make our visits fun. My mom passed away years ago, but we had a rather thorny relationship, and my dad and I aren't much better. Dad is now frail as a newborn spider and I will spend most of this trip sucking it up, biting my tongue and being the Good Daughter. (Insert sound of cat hacking up a hairball here.)



I was reading the online Decatur newspaper recently and found a couple of disturbing news items. One is that lightning struck the North Fork Church and annihilated it. This is the church next to the cemetary where my mom and my uncle are buried. It's the property where we used to have the heritage festival. It wasn't a church that I had any true connection with, but I'm still sad, thinking it's damaged beyond all repair.



The second disagreeable news item is that they've closed the Nelson Park Golf Course.






This course lies beside Route 36, which was the main road to get from my house on Cantrell Street into the main guts of the city. I used to watch the golfers on Sunday morning as we drove to Riverside Baptist Church. They golfed in almost all weather; I remember seeing them out there after the first snowfall, following the track of their ball in the white dust.


I thought they were insane, which colored my view of all golfers for all time.


Rumor has it that some developer wants to build homes on the golf course. Not only do I not understand this (Decatur doesn't seem to be growing in population), but I'm doubly upset because as a kid, once there was enough snow on the ground, the golf course made a bitchin' place to sled.

I guess, sooner or later, you really can't go home again. Progress happens, as well as catastrophe. As long as I see a chicken car, everything will be okay.