When there is a Death

 It's been a week since my mother-in-law died and I have been processing it all, as one does. I am sad, yes. Even though she had been in declining health, even though I saw it coming, I am sad. There's an irrational human thought that time might suddenly reverse and the person will be miraculously healed and we'll all go on just as we have.

Or maybe that's just me.

It's still hard to be out among people, even family, although when I'm forced, I am grateful for the company. I do fear I could easily become a recluse.

Years ago I was on vacation with my grandmother and step-grandfather in New Orleans. We took a Greyline tour (aka the "Blue Hair Tour") and part of the guide's talk was about funeral rituals in the 18th century. They covered all the mirrors in the house with black fabric, everyone wore black for a year, and cards were sent out like birth announcements that announced the death. In other words, they MOURNED.

BTW, I really liked that tour.

I know how fast society moves, that there is an immediacy to the way we live, but we don't seem to slow down for Death these days. Emails still need answering, bills need paying, how quickly can we get the services done so we can go back to normal?

As if there's a normal we can go back to.

Dale had been taking care of his mother for months, spending days and weeks at the house, coming home for maybe 15 minutes to mow the lawn before running back to ensure her needs were met. This week, every time he leaves the house, I think he's going back to check on his mom before reality catches up to me and I correct myself. No, she's gone.

There are some logistical decisions that need to be made, but not now. We will mourn and celebrate her as a group at her service and then take care of everything else.

In the meantime, I am cleaning my house so that when we have the service, our home can comfortably host out-of-town guests. We may have none, we may have two, we may have a dozen. I've learned to be flexible.

I am taking notes about how to direct my family as I'm aging. After watching my husband and his brothers second-guess what to do to help their mom, I want to give Marcus (and Dale) a better feeling of clarity.

Hell, I'll probably write my own eulogy, just to make it easier on everyone.

I'll also post more about my mom-in-law Barbara, but not at the moment. I need time to mourn first.