This year, I thought I'd take it easy on myself and just talk about beauty in general. As it turns out, that's harder to discuss than sexuality, at least for me. What is beauty, and do I ever feel like I achieve it?
I have a confession to make: I am a nerd. A geek. A no-frills, non-prissy, jeans-and-tees gal. Oh, I began life in lace and ruffles. Mom wanted a girlie-girl who flounced about in ribbons and organza. God knows she tried.
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| Of course I was cranky - what kind of cowgirl wears a skirt? |
But by 3rd grade, I knew I felt more comfy in a plain wool skirt and a sweater. When jeans came into fashion, I had found my style. Jeans and a sweater, or a tunic, or a silk shirt, or a tee. Dress them up with heels or down with tennies. The thing about them is, I didn't even have to check myself in the mirror. I felt good. Did I feel beautiful?
Here's the thing about beauty: I'm in my 60s and still not sure what it means, or why it's important. The definition of beauty is a combination of qualities, such as shape, color, or form, that pleases the aesthetic senses, especially the sight. As a former engineer, my first question is: define "pleases".
I was a pre-teen when the Beatles hit America. Here they are, in all their glorious youth:
Who did I like? This guy.
I've never been attracted to pretty boys. Tom Cruise? No. George Clooney? Not for me, thanks. Chris Hemsworth? Seems like a nice guy, but I'll pass. Give me Ringo over Paul, Spock over Kirk, McGee over DiNozzo. The combination of qualities that pleases my aesthetic senses is obviously not on the same page as the rest of the world.
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| Actually, I've always had a crush on Ducky, even when he was a Man From U.N.C.L.E. |
I can't be the only one... can I?
Recently, I attended a horse show in Las Vegas. It was a huge show, over 700 exhibitors, and there are probably a dozen reasons why my horse and I should never have gotten to participate, beginning with the fact that he broke his leg as a 4-year-old and every day that he is healthy is a blessing.
While at the show, I bought an outfit to wear for the competition. There are more expensive outfits, but this one felt like it cost an arm and a leg. My trainer took a picture of me before we faced the judges.
What I see when I look at that picture is an old gal who could lose a few pounds. What my trainer said to me was, "You look so beautiful." Did I feel beautiful at that moment? I felt good. I felt happy. Beauty was not on my list of needs.
I wish I had some kind of wisdom to impart about beauty and what it means to be beautiful. Don't misunderstand. Just because I'm a geeky girl doesn't mean that I don't enhance my eyes with a little makeup, or wear a little bling from time to time. None of it makes me look in a mirror and say, "You look beautiful."
All I want to see when I look in the mirror is someone who feels happy. Maybe that's the quality that pleases my senses.
