"The notion that such persons are gay of heart and carefree is curiously untrue. They lead, as a matter of fact, an existence of jumpiness and apprehension. They sit on the edge of the chair of Literature. In the house of Life they have the feeling that they have never taken off their overcoats."
- James Thurber, My Life and Hard Times

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Save the women and children - Todd Russell's in the house

I offered my blog up for human sacrifice cross-posting and got a few more responses, one of them being Todd Russell, who loves all things scary. He's also got a sense of humor - a manly, scatological, bathroom-giggly, sense of humor. Todd's entry for today has to do with visiting an establishment that has two restrooms, one for men named Richard and one for everyone else.

Take it away, Todd.

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No Dicks vs. Dicks

Check this out, I'm in the women's room and Gayle's in the men's room. Yeah, yeah, we've all done this by accident, but we're doing this intentionally. I get to talk at her blog about Dicks and No Dicks while she is stuck at mine working through her deepest, darkest mind-numbing fears. Who has the lighter gig today?

It's refreshing to come out of the dark and into the light today and say hello to the fine folks following this blog. Please don't take this as being abrupt but I'm going to get right to the story.

Recently I was out with a friend and he wanted to go throw down a beer and we stumbled upon this ramshackle bar in the middle of a town neither of us knew. I mean this place might have been new forty years ago. The only thing fresh there was the grass growing on the leaning roof and the beer bottle caps stuck in the ceiling.

The writer in me was drawn to their curious bathroom labels.

Creativity can be found in the strangest places, huh? But my mind wouldn't stop here, I started thinking about other labels they could have used. I mean, really, why stop at the Dicks thing. So I started making a list of her / him alternative bar bathroom labels:

1. In / Out

2. Hole / Moutain

3. Pink-green / Blue-green (for the eco-conscious)

4. Tidy / Messy

5. Sit / Stand

6. PMS / NFL or NBA or MLB (your choice)

7. Tampon / Temper

8. Romance / Sex

9. Wine / Beer

10. Earth / Wood

This was becoming so much fun that I flirted with asking my twitter friends to help me come up with more but thankfully common sense took over.

I'm going to leave Gayle's bathroom now. I am tidying up on the way out and yes, lifted the seat and washed my hands. I do appreciate the opportunity to come over here and say hello and at resist all temptation to pitch my book. A writer's promotional constipation: we want to promote and it is right there at the surface. But. We. Just. Can't.

Where is the paper towel dispenser, Gayle? No, no, not one of those hand dryers when we have to touch the germ-ridden door handles anyway?

I exit and try to leave behind those brain stealing alternative bathroom labels. It's not working, here's another: Hello / Goodbye.

Todd Russell started writing fiction immediately after he learned how to go to the bathroom on his own. Mental Shrillness, a collection of six twist ending horror stories, is his first book. An Amazon reviewer writes: “I was appalled … the stories are horrifying, disturbing and nauseating at times. I recommend Mental Shrillness to adult readers to challenge themselves on how strange a story they can handle.” You can follow Todd’s work at http://toddrwrite.com/

* * * * * *

Gayle here: Todd may not want to pitch his book, but here are ALLLLLL the sample and buy links to it, even those of you in Germany who are reading this now (Ach!) -

 Amazon US Kindle


Barnes & Noble NOOK

Apple iBooks

Smashwords (multiple e-formats)

Amazon UK

Amazon DE (Germany)

Thanks, Todd! Now, please just get out of my restroom. By the way, did you eat the potpourri?

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