The heart of fear

Horror, much like humor, is subjective. What makes one person's hair stand on end and do a little dance can make the person sitting next to him say, "But when does it get scary?"

Some people are frightened by extrasensory "talents" of others. I suppose they are afraid of being inferior to, or under the influence of, someone with special powers. I mean, do you want to piss off Carrie White and have her pick you up and slam you through a window?

Me neither.

For some, it's all about monsters. Even though the Alien doesn't exist in reality, monsters touch those people (like me) who have a feeling there ARE things that go bump in the night. Or maybe they're people who demonize the worst in humanity and give it form. Whatever the psychological reason, either he scares you or he doesn't.

Let's face it - all of these stories frighten me. I'm a big scaredy cat. But nothing scares me as much as...

(Insert dramatic Ta-Da-Daaaaa music.)

Self doubt.

Humility is fine, and I don't like to spend a lot of time with those Human Peacocks who like to strut and talk about what They've Created, as if they directed the Hand of God. There is a line to walk, though, and when I fall too far to the back side, I'm capable of stopping my creativity.

Bette Midler has a wonderful example of this in her book A View from A Broad. She included a letter she wrote to her sister, in which she is expressing a hesitancy to end her tour in Hawaii, her childhood home. "If a prophet is without honor in his own country, what about a loudmouth like me?" she writes. "I'm always afraid Mrs. Burke (her hula teacher) will suddenly appear, and picking me up by the back of the neck like some great tabby, announce to one and all, 'This hussy is a fraud.'"

This hussy is a fraud. (Insert screeching violins here.)

So is it just me and the Divine Miss M who work hard to the point of madness, to overcome our feelings that we are really bulls**tting our way through the universe? Or do you feel it and fear it, too?

If so, what are some of the things you do to convince yourself that, while you may not be a Most Brightly Plumaged Genius, you are still a helluva creative force?