It sounded like such a simple plan

I am exhausted, Peeps, and I still have errands to run. Blame it on the holidays, and my own damned creative streak. You see, I had an idea. An awful idea. I had a wonderfully awful idea.

Every year, my family takes a Christmas photo (see this blog post for how that goes), and I write a Christmas letter. I try to keep the letters brief, inject a little humor, tug on a heartstring, etc. For years now, I've been submitting our picture to either an on-line service, or schlepping to the local drugstore, to make picture cards. Some years, it would be the 4 x 8 card, with our photo on one side and some kind of "Season's Greetings" on the other. Some years, I opted for the 5 x 7 folded card with the message inside.

But each year, I had to print the letter separately, and then find a way to fold it into the card. Neither style of card lent itself to inserting an 8-1/2 x 11 inch piece of paper, unless I folded it into some kind of origami critter.

This year, we ended up with some good pictures, and one really funny one. I couldn't decide which photo to use. Then I got the Most Brilliant of Ideas. If I used a brochure template, I could put one photo on the front, then the other photo on the first fold-out, and finally, the letter on the inside. It would be Per.Fect.

I went to Office Max and behold! They had brochure paper, nice and thick, and already scored for easy folding. I could print as many cards as I needed, without wasting. I wouldn't have to wait for my cards to be processed and shipped to me. And no more origami letters!

Here's the thing: I have two printers and they BOTH hate the brochure paper. It's the wrong weight for them. It's like I'm trying to feed a hamburger to confirmed vegans. Neither of them like to grab it and feed it in, to be printed. They get a corner, wrinkle the paper, then announce that they "need paper." They do not need paper. They are both big wussies.

So in order to implement my brilliant plan and save money/time, blah, blah, I spent all morning in front of my wireless printer, feeding it one sheet of brochure paper at a time, in order to produce 60 copies of our Christmas card/letter. Many bad words were said. Many names were called.

It did not feel like the most wonderful time of the year.

So here's the front of our "Christmas brochure:"

Open it up and you'll see this:

Unfold the last flap to read:

If I need to make more, I may just take my files to Office Max and let them make copies. It costs a lot more to make color copies, but it will definitely save my sanity.

Got any Christmas photos/letters floating around the internet that you'd like to share? Perhaps a story or two of the sacrifices you've made to get those cards in the mail?

Happy Holidays, ooh-ooh!

Now that my house is clean and everything's under control (she says with her fingers crossed dear god dear god let everything stay under control), let's talk about the Christmas letter. First of all, thanks for all your comments (most of you made them on Facebook). The winning photo is...

Number 2!

The horses' ears are not pointing forward, but the people are all looking up and smiling, Katy is not turning her back to the camera, Duffy is almost-sitting, and my jawline has not been completely swallowed by my wrinkles, so it's a winner.

Along with the photo, I always write a letter. It's actually how I began my writing "career". After the first letter, people kept telling me I needed to write for real. After the second letter, the arguments began in other households - "Why can't you write a good Christmas letter like the Carlines?" Now that I do write for real, the pressure escalates every year.

I think everyone needs to be confident about one thing they do well. Maybe it's playing a sport, or cooking a meal, or being good at your job. I can honestly say, without bravado, I know I 'm good at Christmas letters. I've read some really good ones and some really bad ones, and I've learned how to do it well.

The trick is to get in and out of your year in one page. If you can do it with a jaunty smile and a hope for peace on earth, good will to everyone, more's the better. If your year has been a hot mess, then do it with poignant grace, and still be hopeful for a better new year.

Here's my letter for 2010:

Wishing you all Peace on Earth, Good Will to Everyone!

Help! (I need somebody)

Yesterday we did our traditional Christmas photo shoot. Years ago, we started taking a picture of the three of us to include in our cards. Then one year, I got the bright idea to include the dog and cat, too. This was a little more chaotic than just three people, especially since we were doing it in the living room with the camera on a tripod on a timer. Imagine:

Get everyone posed. Keep the dog from sniffing the cat. Keep the cat on son's lap. Get everyone re-posed. Go set the timer. Run back to family. Re-pose everyone. Hear click. Wonder whether you smiled or not. In the age of processed film, this made a difference.

When my mare, Frostie, had her baby (Snoopy), I decided we needed a Christmas picture with the horses, too. We tossed the cat and dog in the car and drove to the ranch, where we went through the same delightful process with the added difficulty of keeping Frostie from sniffing the cat and Snoopy from wandering in and out of the shot.

Now that we have a digital camera and can usually find a willing helper to take the pictures (thanks, Niki!) the only thing we have to do is pose. And re-pose. And re-pose again, until we have enough pictures to choose one. (I'll be posting the outtakes on Snoopy's blog, or you can see them on my Facebook page.)

My dilemma this year is that we actually got several pix that we could use, so I thought I'd see if anyone has a preference. Vote for your favorite in the comments below. If no one has a favorite, I may just toss a dart at them and see where it lands.

Picture 1:

Picture 2:

Picture 3:

Picture 4:

Picture 5:

Seasoned Greetings!

For those of you who are wondering, I found a good book for my dad for Christmas. I couldn't find one about World War II - frankly, I can't remember which ones I've given him, so that war may be history for gift-giving. So I settled on the Depression, somehow fitting for his personality. It's The Forgotten Man, in large print. We'll see if he likes it.

In the meantime, I have boxes of decorations cramming my living room, all screaming for me to get them out and put them on display. We got the tree on Sunday - I've discovered I'm extremely allergic to it, but I've got to trim it anyway. But what am I doing instead?

The annual Christmas letter.

This is how I began my foray into writing. About 9 years ago, I told Dale I wanted to write books, so he got me a laptop for Christmas. I piddled about with it for a few months, writing a snippet here and a paragraph there, but mostly using it for engineer-type work. Then, when Christmas rolled around and I thought of the sameness of all the notes I wrote in each card, I decided to try my hand at a Christmas letter. Not the kind where boasts are made about everyone's achievements, but not a parody, where the house burns down and the kids flunk out of school. Just something light and airy, with a little humor and a lot of gratitude that our house didn't burn down and our son is still learning. Most important, it needed to be one-page.

I was completely shocked at the response. Everyone who received a letter thought it was the best one they'd ever read. It began a holiday tradition - what would be in Gayle's letter this year? Family squabbles ensued, when spouses would bait their letter-writing mates with, "Why can't you write a letter like Gayle's?" One year, one of Dale's cousins told me, "I hope you're writing more than just this letter. You should write a book."

What a great idea!

I've posted this year's letter and photo on my website: http://www.gaylecarline.com/gcxmas08.html. Between you and me, I've read better and funnier letters, but this one's okay.

As for the photo, we managed to get the picture taken in only 1/2 hour and 16 shots. You see, Frostie (the red horse) kept trying to bite Mikey (the dog) on the toes, which made him try to jump from the table. So we swapped him and Katy (the cat), whom Frostie immediately tried to vacuum with her nose. My husband, Dale, is pushing her head away from the cat, who would like to kill us all for putting her through this indignity. The only one behaving is the black horse (Snoopy), who is usually the nippy one. For those of you who know horses, the chain across his nose explains his good behavior. We do this every year!

Happy Holidays!