"The notion that such persons are gay of heart and carefree is curiously untrue. They lead, as a matter of fact, an existence of jumpiness and apprehension. They sit on the edge of the chair of Literature. In the house of Life they have the feeling that they have never taken off their overcoats."
- James Thurber, My Life and Hard Times

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Thanks for a million little things

Thanksgiving is here (for us Americans) and a lot of people are writing up lists of what they're thankful for. I don't blame them - it's appropriate. As I am the kind of person who is equal parts irreverent and schmaltzy, I could come up with a list. I could make a video, where I tell everyone how grateful I am for my family and friends and life. I can even deliver it in an Over-the-Top, Mop-Me-Off-the-Floor, Halle-Berry-Oscar-Moment weeping extravaganza.

But I'm not gonna. The schmaltzy moment came and went about 7:15 this morning, while I was writing an article about when my son was a baby.

So here's my irreverent, completely non-schmaltzy, random list of what I'm thankful for this year.

1. I'm thankful that I'm no longer doing this:

Yes, that's right - I was a flying angel in the Crystal Cathedral's Glory of Christmas (and the Glory of Easter). For ten years, I was hung by wires twice nightly and three times on the weekends, flown 60-80 feet in the air above the pews in the sanctuary. I knew all the cues by heart; I used to take my sweats off and put my costume on at the start of O Little Town of Bethlehem. The day I started undressing in the middle of Macy's when they started playing that song was the day I knew I should turn in my wings.

2. Speaking of shows, I'm thankful I met this guy:

I've now seen Penn & Teller's Las Vegas show three times. Love 'em!

3. Speaking of Vegas, I'm also thankful for this guy:

Without Dino, we wouldn't have cool. Who would Benny Needles emulate?

4. Still speaking of Vegas, I'm thankful for my friend Robin:

Robin is my wild-haired friend (and extraordinary artist), who talks me into spur of the moment escapades, like this one. We spent two days going to shows (like Spamalot and yes, Penn & Teller), getting massages at the spa and napping. Pure decadence!

5. Speaking of decadent, I'm thankful for Starbucks eggnog lattes.

6. I'm thankful I'm not Sarah Palin. (I could post a picture here, but I just don't feel like it, 'kay?) Sure, she got a $6 million advance for her "book", and rumor has it she's sold 700,000 copies BUT:

** Everyone's selling the $28.99 hardcover at GREATLY reduced prices. Amazon has it listed at $14.50. That's 50% off. By contrast, Freezer Burn is only reduced 15%. Clearly, Amazon thinks more highly of my little mystery, right?

** Even if you estimate Palin's royalties at 15%, she's only earned about $1.5 million of her advance. It may be a long time before she starts getting royalty checks. If sales don't improve, Harper Collins may not offer her a second book deal.

7. I'm thankful I'm not the President. Not just the current one, but any President of the U.S. It's a thankless job. You can't open your mouth without having a microphone shoved in your face. If you dress up, you're wasting the taxpayer's money on clothes. If you dress down, you're presenting a shabby front to the rest of the world. There's no way to be a great President until you've been out of office about 20 years - or you're dead. No thanks.

8. I'm thankful I have a goofball for a son:

I'd love him anyway, but that he shares my sense of humor is like icing on life's cake.

9. I'm thankful for precut bags of broccoli, carrots, and green beans in the produce aisle. I'd never eat my veggies if part of the work wasn't done for me.

10. I'm thankful that I have room in my heart for schmaltz. You can't be a smartass 24/7.

Happy Thanksgiving, all you Yanks!


Ali Trotta said...

Happy Thanksgiving, Gayle! This was an awesome list. :-)

ed said...

Hi Gayle! Happy Turkey Day!

Remember, Penn loves Dino Christmas albums!


Jane Kennedy Sutton said...

What a great list! I've only seen Penn and Teller once but I loved the show, too.

dino martin peters said...

Hey pallie, I'm thankful that you are thankful for our Dino...hope your day of thanks was good for you and yours...

Proud Member of ALA!

I support fair and equitable library access to ebooks and so should you.