Teaching life lessons

In a few short weeks, I'll be teaching a workshop or two at the Southern California Writer's Conference. The schedule is still shaking out, so I'm not certain what else I'll be yammering on about, but one of my workshops is a new one for me, one that I hope will be both fun and informative. It's called "Storytelling is Murder, She Wrote," and we're going to take an episode of a TV mystery series and dissect it, looking for the kind of structure we use in our writing.

With each conference (I do two a year), Michael the director calls or emails me and solicits workshop proposals. And for each conference, I search my brain cells, looking for ideas and thinking, who am I to teach these people anything?

I spend the first part of my brainstorming session proving my credentials - to me. I've been writing for publication since 2000, I've had my weekly column since 2005, I've published six books and will soon have the seventh out on the market. And through all of it, I have strived to learn more about what I'm doing and do it better next time.

Still, I have that malady described most perfectly by the Divine Miss M in her book "A View from a Broad" where she states:

I'm always afraid Miss Burke (Bette's former hula teacher) will suddenly appear, and picking me up by the back of the neck like some great tabby, announce to one and all, "This hussy is a fraud!"

BTDubs, I am an ardent admirer of Bette Midler and have used her book many times for inspiration as to how to relax a little and stop giving such a rat's tokhes about everyone else's opinion.

While I was fertilizing my own little ego, I got into a discussion with my son (via Facebook messaging, which is where most of our conversations occur these days). He was longing for a post-college goal, a dream he could aim for. I suggested looking at what his now-graduated colleagues were doing, to kick-start ideas.

Then he told me, "I really liked what *local band* is doing, but I'm not sure if I'm good enough to gather the level of musicians they did and write music that cool. And I keep toying with the idea of a an educational YouTube channel all about music, but I don't feel nearly smart enough or confident enough to teach people on the internet."

See a common theme here?

How do I impart to my son to go forward with confidence, if I constantly question my own knowledge and skill set? Do I tell him it comes with the territory, creatively-speaking? Do I tell him to "fake it until you make it"? I could inform him that he is brilliant and creative and knows more about music than most people, but I know from my own experience that until he feels it on the inside, it won't help to pump it in from the outside.

Or will it?
 

Some days are like a box of chocolates. Others are like a carnival game.

In either case, you never know what you're going to get, but at least I like chocolates. Carny games can give you a cute stuffed animal or a cheap plastic spork.

So today, I was going to write and submit my column, then fill out the form to enter a contest, then call the woman at the Horse Expo Pomona to get extra ad space for my booth at the Book Corral. How did that work out for me?

Column written, edited, submitted - check. It's a good one, too, about a group in Placentia. Very topical.

Forms to enter a contest filled out - check. All I have to do is mail the books.

Horse Expo ads - check with a CAVEAT. Uh-oh.

To get the fullest bang for my buck, I needed to send seven (7) photos of my "product", a URL where people can find it, a 40-word description, and a YouTube video. Like I said, uh-oh. I don't have a book video of Snoopy's memoir.

Make that "I didn't have a book video." I spent the better part of the morning tossing something together. I won't say it's my most shining moment. I'm not Scorsese, for Pete's sake. It reminds me a little of a salad - a lot of things tossed together - but it moves in a fairly linear motion. I'm not cringing.



Now it's time to package my books and head off to the ranch, with a brief stop at the post office. Later, Peeps.

Over at the distillery

There are things I need to be doing if I wasn't feeling so lazy, and there are things I'd like to be doing if I wasn't the least little bit vain. For example, if I wasn't so lazy, I'd be washing the dishes. If I wasn't so vain, I'd be at the local hangout, watching football with my hubby. (I'm not allowed to wear makeup until tomorrow, so I look a little ghostly.)

Instead, I'm working on the jacket copy, telling myself it's super-hard work that I really need to get finished. My previous post showed my rough draft, but even I knew that wasn't good enough. The back cover (also used as the description on Amazon) needs to sell the story to potential readers. It needs to be concise, have punch, tease a reader.

So I began to distill. Distill. Distill some more.

Take the first paragraph:

"Willie Adams is shopping for her first horse during a week-long show at the Los Angeles Equestrian Center. She’s a young widow who is ready to date again, in theory. In reality, the first time gorgeous Tyler Ransome smiles at her, she wants to run the opposite direction. He has a horse she might want to buy, but she finds herself clumsy and tongue-tied in his presence."

Do we need to know where this is taking place? No. She's shopping for a horse. Do we need to know she's a young widow? Yes. That's integral to the romance. Do we need all those words to describe Tyler's good looks and her reaction to them? No. Get out the scissors.

The second paragraph:

"Another horse trainer, Bobby Fermino, shows too much interest in her. Things get ugly fast, and she has to fight him off. When he turns up murdered, Willie is the most likely suspect. Enter Lucas Macy, an attractive detective with a lilting English accent. Willie is drawn to him sexually, but she's confused by his behavior. One minute he's warm and seductive, and the next he's cold and businesslike."

Do we need Bobby's occupation? No. The murder is important, so we need to keep that. How about the same amount of blah-blah-blah about Lucas and how she feels about him? Not so much.

The final paragraph should give the punch line. Does it?

"As Macy and his partner unravel the clues, Willie realizes she has two options. She can let the police do their job, or do her own sleuthing and hand them the real killer. She also has two choices: the handsome cowboy or sexy detective?"

This isn't bad, but still needs a trim. And the last sentence? No. Just no.

Once I had finished snipping and reworking, I added a tagline and ended up with something I liked better.

* * * * *

She was looking for a horse. What she found was romance. And danger.

Willie Adams is shopping for her first horse. She’s a young widow, struggling with idea of dating again. Trainer Tyler Ransome is single and has a horse she might want to buy. He’s also gorgeous—too gorgeous for her.

Bobby Fermino is not as handsome, nor as pleasant. He attacks Willie, then ends up dead in her tack room, leaving her the most likely suspect.

Enter Detective Lucas Macy. Willie is drawn to him sexually, but is not looking for a purely physical relationship, especially with a man who thinks she is a killer.

She has two options, to let the police do their job, or do her own sleuthing and find the real murderer. Can she also release her heart from grief and be free to love again?

* * * * *

I'm not certain if this is the final version, but it's certainly better than the first draft. Is this a sufficient tease?

 

The blurb

No, not burp. Blurb. As in, jacket blurb, aka jacket copy. It's the words on the back cover of a book, in the description on Amazon, the tease that tells you why the cover has enticed you to pick it up and confirms your desire to open the pages and READ THE STORY.

I've been working on this most of this afternoon. I'm now officially too close to the words, so close I may not even understand what they're saying anymore. Do you know what that means?

Yes, it means I put it up here on the blog and see what my crowd of, like, 24 people think about it. Picture yourself cruising through a library/bookstore/Amazon, looking for something to read. You see the cover:

Intrigued, you pick it up and read the description:

* * * * *

Willie Adams is shopping for her first horse during a week-long show at the Los Angeles Equestrian Center. She’s a young widow who is ready to date again, in theory. In reality, the first time gorgeous Tyler Ransome smiles at her, she wants to run the opposite direction. He has a horse she might want to buy, but she finds herself clumsy and tongue-tied in his presence.

Another horse trainer, Bobby Fermino, shows too much interest in her. Things get ugly fast, and she has to fight him off. When he turns up murdered, Willie is the most likely suspect. Enter Lucas Macy, an attractive detective with a lilting English accent. Willie is drawn to him sexually, but she's confused by his behavior. One minute he's warm and seductive, and the next he's cold and businesslike.

As Macy and his partner unravel the clues, Willie realizes she has two options. She can let the police do their job, or do her own sleuthing and hand them the real killer.

She also has two choices: the handsome cowboy or sexy detective?

* * * * *

So...do you have to read more now?

It don't come easy

For anyone out there who thinks that self-publishing is a shortcut for people who don't want to spend the quality time seeking out representation, hoping to get a publisher, then sitting back and waiting two years to see their book on the shelves, let me tell you something:

If it is, I'm doing it wrong.

In September, I completed my manuscript, Murder on the Hoof. So far, I've edited it myself 5 times, sent it to beta readers and incorporated their comments, sent it to my freelance editor for additional, professional editing, and worked with my cover designer.

Believe it or not, the cover's been the hardest part of this particular book. For some reason, Joe (Felipe, my cover designer whom I adore) and I could not come up with a design that worked. We started the work in November, for Pete's sake, and just kept swapping this for that for the other thing. It was much like getting dressed to go someplace a little more upscale than you usually visit - you put on an outfit, then change the top, then the bottom, then the top again, and so on until you find that combination that works.

When I opened Joe's email today, I nearly wept. It was soooo good.

Ladies and Gents, I give to you...

Isn't lovely? I still have to write the jacket blurb, but first I have to get my editor's comments folded in. My author's heart is getting really excited. My publisher's heart is saying, "Calm down. We're a long way from a release party."

New Year's What?

Ah, resolutions. Those silly New Year's promises we make on January 1st and break on January 2nd. My relationship with resolutions has run the gamut of setting earnest goals that I sadly break, setting silly goals I know I can keep (turns out I can resolve not to watch Robocop ever again), and setting no goals at all, having declared the whole thing a stupid idea.

But this year, I'm trying something different.

I think each milestone comes with a chance to look at what you're doing and see if you can improve. This can be a new year, or a birthday, or even a new day. So I gave myself the once-over and saw some areas I'd like to make better. But instead of writing down vague, "I resolve to lose weight/ exercise/ read/ contact friends more," sentences, I got down to business, as they say.

1. I made specific goals. I avoided the weight loss trap, but I quantified my health goals. And my reading goals. And even my getting-together-with-friends goals.

2. For each resolution, I wrote how I was going to do this, and why. Reading keeps me informed about what else is out there, and beautiful prose keeps my writing palette filled with words. Good health is going to keep me alive, with any luck.

3. I also wrote what I thought would be my triggers for failure. For example, I did set some goals in eating healthier. One of my triggers for failure is that I like to reward myself with unhealthy food (specifically, Panera Bread's mini-carrot cake).

4. Once I figured out what might stop me, I thought of possible solutions to the problem. What could I offer myself instead of carrot cake? How can I surmount the "I'm too busy" excuse when it comes to being with friends? 

I only wrote three resolutions, and I called them "Goals" instead. There's a good chance I might keep some pieces of some of them, or all the pieces of one of them, or some combination.

Did you make any resolutions that you'd like to share?