On your mark, get set...

Hop on over to Amazon and get your free copies of my books. Yes, all of them! Today only!

Here's the link to my Amazon page. You can download them and read them on your computer, you can download a Kindle App to your latest toy, so there's no excuse not to get them.

I'm taking a trip to Carmel to celebrate my anniversary with my hubby. (And if you're thinking of coming by to rob us while we're gone, I'm sorry, but our son is home from college this weekend.)

Ferocious, yes?

Enjoy.

How much character do you want?

Now that I've got Are You There Erma? It's Me, Gayle on its way to immortality (or is that e-mortality), I can go back to writing the third mystery in my Peri Minneopa series. I took a few convoluted turns and twists before settling on the plot (see Thursday's edition of the Crime Fiction Collective blog for an explanation) and am now thisclose to completing the outline. I really like this story and can't wait to tell it to you.

Usually, I get so wrapped up in what I'm writing that I can't imagine another plot and think once this book is complete, the well will dry up and I'll never come up with anything else.

Not this time.

After this third book is written, I have an idea for a new series, with new characters. So far, I only have the location and the murder. I still don't know if my main character will be a man or woman, single or married, childless or a parent. I only know they'll be a sleuth and not a member of law enforcement. Probably no close friends in the law enforcement field, either.

The only thing I know for certain is they must be a character.

The lead must be someone a reader wants to follow through the story, at a minimum. It's hard to care about boring people in books.

A friend of mine mentioned she really liked Columbo. "You should make up somebody like that," she said.

I'm pretty sure I don't want to write Columbo, Part Two. But I started to think about the detective's signature style. To the world, he bumbled and fumbled and acted so disorganized it was a wonder he ever got a shield. And yet, he caught the killer every time.

Was he really that much of a scatterbrain? I mean, I never pictured him acting any differently, so when he went home and his wife asked if he picked up a loaf of bread, he'd touch his forehead and feel around in his overcoat and finally pull a loaf out of one of the pockets. Was that really him, or did he come home with a grocery bag like normal people? Was he secretly winking at us all, having his little joke?

More importantly, why did we believe in him? Millions watched him every week, knowing he'd solve the crime, and finding him completely endearing.

Here's my question: What if Columbo was a woman? I mean, maybe not in a rumpled trench coat and a cigar, but a woman in sensible shoes and outfits from Land's End, digging in her tote bag for a notebook and fiddling with her earring in thought. Would you find her endearing? Or unbelievable?

What if we changed her to be a young blonde wearing designer clothes and a Coach bag? How about adding some fake boobs and a squeaky-high voice? Could she solve a murder? Or is she too ditzy?

There are no right or wrong answers here, and I have no resolution. I'm just investigating the nature of characters and who we'll root for and who we'll roll our eyes at. I'd love to hear from anyone out there about what makes a character both believable and likeable.

My weekend pot pourri

I don't have anything earth-shaking to say. Just a few notes on this and that, some random scribblings, and a slight touch of news.

ONE:
This morning I got a craving to have red beans and rice for dinner. I don't have "a recipe" for red beans and rice. I usually look it up in my cookbooks and online and pick something new to try. Anyway, while I was trying to figure out whether to add a hamhock or andouille sausage, a friend of mine called. She was in a bind, being away from home on a field trip with her class, while her babysitter bailed on picking up the youngest kiddo. Could I do her a favor?

Of course.

The Fates were actually in her favor, since I had to cancel riding lessons today due to rain, so I had the afternoon to pick up her daughter, take her to dance class, then take her home. The only thing I didn't have time to do was do the quick soak of the beans, because they'd be soaked too soon. I didn't want to start them cooking before I ran my errands because I never leave the stove unattended. I did, however, have time to let them soak for 6-8 hours, then start cooking when I got home, which is what I did.

The bad news is, by the time I got everything chopped and dug the ground thyme out of the spice cabinet, it was 7:00 p.m., so the beans won't be ready until 10. They'll be great tomorrow, although I'll probably still have a small taste of them before I go to bed, just to confirm they're good. (Note to self: learn to chop faster.)

What's a girl to do? I ate dessert first. A decadent chocolate cupcake, heated ever-so-slightly, with vanilla ice cream. Show of hands - who thinks that was wrong? Okay... and how many of you think it was the only reasonable thing to do? One, two, three, you - in the back - is your hand up or down? Okay.

Reason wins.

TWO:

50 books - and Duffy's ball

I'm pretty sure postal workers hate authors. Even if you are published by the big houses, I'm betting you have a cache of your own books to hand out. Those books have to be delivered by someone. Someone with flat feet and bad knees and hip replacement in their foreseeable future. To all the UPS drivers, postal workers and delivery people in general, please accept my apologies. Someday we will all be so wrapped up in the digital age, we will not need physical books to give away and autograph. Until then, can I offer you an Advil?

THREE:
I've got a giveaway going at Goodreads (say that fast five times, I dare you). If you want a chance to win an autographed copy of Are You There Erma? It's Me Gayle click on the link and enter.

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Are You There Erma? It's Me Gayle

by Gayle S Carline

Giveaway ends November 14, 2011.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

Enter to win

FOUR:
Since my books are physically here now, I'll be updating my Paypal button so you can order autographed copies of them. If you just can wait for me to get my act together, shoot me an email and I'll get a copy to you.

FIVE:
Don't forget to set your clocks back tomorrow night. Doesn't that extra hour seem luxurious?

So much time and so few brains

It's a short post today. My mind is all kerfuffled because my new book is finally available for sale on Amazon, in paperback and Kindle. It's another humor collection: two more years of merriment, punctuated by editorial quirks and readers' opinions. It will also be available on Barnes & Noble, on e-reader stores everywhere, and you can order it from any bookstore.

I thought I knew what I was doing with this book, having released two others through Createspace, Kindle Direct, and Smashwords. And yet... once I pressed the magic buttons, I've been obsessed with whether my book is available so I can put a Media Release on the website and talk about it on Facebook and Twitter and yadda yadda, none of which I could do until the book was available for purchase.

I'm also doing a giveaway on Goodreads, which starts on Halloween, if you want to get in on that. I'll be offering autographed copies via Paypal, too, as soon as I get my copies, which should be next week at the latest.

This craziness has made me forget a few things, like posting the essay I had written for the Crime Fiction Collective. Oopsie. LJ Sellers was a doll about it and tossed up a post about what we're all looking forward to reading. Check it out and try to forgive me for being the little eclectic redheaded stepchild. My post will be up on Saturday for your enjoyment.

In the meantime - check out the new book!

What should I write about?

Everyone knows about my book that's with Echelon Press and will be published whenever it's ready, whatever that means. All I know is that I've been through the editing rounds. Perhaps we're on to the swimsuit competition next. And if you've read even one of these blogs, you know about the accidental romance locked up in a folder on my laptop (yes, and on my backup drive).

But what you don't know is that there is a third book out there, and I don't mean the one I'm currently writing.

Every week, I write an essay for my very local newspaper, the Placentia News-Times. It's a mostly humorous look at my life in and around Orange County, and what my husband and son do to frustrate me. I've been doing this for almost four years now, and I enjoy it, which is why I still do it. I have a small, devoted following, some of whom ask why I don't put out a book of my columns.

Well, why don't I?

I haven't (yet) for a few reasons. The first is because I don't want a book of columns that looks like every other book of columns. The second reason is that there are lots of books of columns out there and I'm not certain I could be competitive enough. The third is that the traditional publishers I have approached with my idea of a book of columns have all said, "Um, no. No, thanks."

That being said, the idea still festers in my mind, so here is how I've been mitigating all of these obstacles:

1. Instead of tossing a bunch of columns together and calling it a book, I've written a sort of memoir that takes the reader through my journey as a columnist. It begins with why I wanted to do it in the first place, goes through how I landed the gig, and ends somewhere around my third editor. It's a chronological look at how I come up with ideas, how I deal with hate letters, etc. I've tentatively named it, "What Would Erma Do?" (Subtitle: Adventures of a First-time Humor Columnist)

2. I've considered self-publishing this book. Several experts, including Gordon Kirkland (humor essayist and author) and Michael Steven Gregory (director of Southern California Writers Conference) have encouraged me to look into this option, instead of trying to find a traditional publisher. The problem with this genre is that most publishers don't know how to market it, unless you are a FAMOUS essayist. So, Dave Barry shouldn't have any problem. I know that makes him feel better.

3. How do I make it competitive enough? Here's the really hard brick wall I've got to find a way around. I suppose I've got as strong a platform as someone like me can have, trying to claw my way out of the millions (billions?) of bloggers/websites/twitterers and make my voice heard. But a traditional publisher supplies that extra "oomph" that self-publishing does not. It's not just Gayle walking the aisles of the bookstore and handing out bookmarks. It's Gayle's publisher telling everyone, "Hey, read this! You'll like it!" Granted, I don't believe that it's the publisher's job to do all the publicity, but I do see it as being able to stand up to the neighborhood bully because your big brother is behind the door.

Lately, I've been throwing everything I've got into my novel, which is probably driving Karen Syed, my publisher, crazy (from 3,000 miles away, I can hear her thinking, "Gayle, relax, will ya?") but in February I'll go to the SCWC conference in San Diego. There will be some agents there who are looking for nonfiction works, so naturally, I'm tempted to submit my book of columns to them. Because at the end of the day, I'd like to get it published traditionally, by a reputable press.

Who thinks I'm insane? Can I see a show of hands?