"The notion that such persons are gay of heart and carefree is curiously untrue. They lead, as a matter of fact, an existence of jumpiness and apprehension. They sit on the edge of the chair of Literature. In the house of Life they have the feeling that they have never taken off their overcoats."
- James Thurber, My Life and Hard Times

Thursday, May 7, 2009

One reason Peri might not have a dog

In addition to my two horses and the cat, we have a Pembroke Welsh Corgi named Mikey. I use the term "we" very loosely. My son wanted a cat so we got Katy, who immediately bonded to me. Then he wanted a dog, so we got Mikey, who bonded to, yes, me. Even the goldfish (RIP) used to swim to my side of the bowl when I walked into the room.

Mikey will listen to Dale and Marcus, my hubby and son, but when Ihe hears my voice, they disappear. He understands that Dale and Marcus are ahead of him in the pack, but I am the pack leader.
Go ahead, say it: I am the Alpha Bitch.
If Peri had a dog, she would definitely be the alpha bitch, but I doubt she'd like a dog as attached to her as Mikey is to me.

Every morning, he waits for me to get up and let him out to go pee. Dale gets up earlier, and I know the dog would like to relieve his full bladder, but he stays by my side of the bed until I stir. I imagine what he might say if he could talk-

"Thanks, sir, no, I'll wait for HER. SHE'S the only one who can open the patio door the way I like it. SHE pours the dog food into my bowl JUST RIGHT."

Actually, if he could talk, he'd probably say, "Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!"

Being worshipped has its downside. I cannot go anywhere in the house alone. Hell, I can't go anywhere in a room alone. If I am in the kitchen and I walk to the stove, Mikey follows me to the stove. If I walk to the table, he follows me to the table. It's like having a growth on my calf muscle. I can even hear his toenails clicking impatiently while I'm in the bathroom. This is only slightly better than when Marcus was a toddler and would wiggle his fingers under the door ("Mom? Are you there, Mom? What are you doing?")

The one thing he might love more than me is food. The only two things he won't eat are the stems of collard greens, which are too tough, and raw mushrooms. He loves grapes, apples, broccoli, carrots, and I've seen him dive for cilantro I've dropped on the floor. Once, he dug through my gym bag and either ate a baggie of Echinacea or vitamins. I know he was very perky for the rest of the day.

The funniest thing he ever did in the name of food was when I walked into the dining room and found him on top of the table, eating cookies. Picture it, people: a corgi has gotten on top of a dining table. What the-? Did he fly?

Turns out, someone had left a chair pushed out.

After a lifetime of finishing whatever Marcus left on his plate within the dog's reach, Mikey finally had a bout of pancreatitis (I think it was that large helping of birthday cake and ice cream) that put him on the low-fat, low-calorie bandwagon. Every day he gets 2/3 cup of dry, diet kibble.

If I had to eat that, and only that, every day, I'd kill someone.

As much as MIkey can annoy me, I still love him. (There's a crack here I could make about my hubby, but I'll resist.) He's already 10 years old, and a little gimpy in one shoulder. I'll weep like a baby when he goes, and I'll have to get another one, not to "replace" him, but to pet and lead and bond with and gather more stories about.

Now it's your turn: what's the most annoying, funny thing your loving, adorable pet has ever done?


Anonymous said...

My cat - she only lets me (or anyone) pet her or play with her when SHE wants the attention. But when she DOES want your attention she demands your full undivided attention. Most mornings when I'm trying to do some writing she'll hop up on my lap, receive her obligatory petting, and then hop up on the desk and insist on sitting right in front of my monitor.

Elle Parker said...

Hee!! I'm going to have the mental image of flying corgis all day now!

Elle Parker

Mary Cunningham said...

My dear Molly, who left us last Oct., never did one thing to annoy me (us), except maybe have an occasional bout of halitosis (industrial strength).

We had a Basset Hound named Wilbur who decided that one chicken quarter off the plate of uncooked, cleaned quarters waiting on the kitchen counter for grilling, would not be missed.

He did, however, take into consideration that he probably should eat it outside.

We found him at the back door, chicken in mouth, wagging furiously to be let outside to enjoy his snack.

Love Mikey! I had a mix named Sam who must've had corgi in him, along with a lot of other things!


N A Sharpe said...

Gotta love pets. I have a Yorkie and a Morkie, or as I like to call them, 3-dimensional shadows. They both love attention and to be very close at hand. Always.

NA Sharpe

Elizabeth Spann Craig said...

Oh, I died laughing. We have a corgi, too--named Chloe. We've joked that we could train Chloe to fly a plane by doling out treats. Man, those corgis love to eat. Chloe is also on the corgi diet of 2/3 cup dry kibbles. Yucko. She prefers popcorn and Eggos. Won't touch the healthy fare that Mikey does! Mikey, the flying corgi...

Jane Kennedy Sutton said...

I'm pet free these days except for a grand dog - a whippet - who demands attention when I'm playing with my grandson. The dog will bring his ball or toy and drop it at my feet and stare at me with big pitiful eyes until I pick it up play with him or he'll nudge his head under my hand until I pet him. However, if my grandson is not around, the dog is happy to be left alone to sleep.

Jane Kennedy Sutton

Karen Brees said...

Our parrot, Rudyard, does a trill routine when I come home. I am the head bird. It seems to be a pattern. I used to have a chicken, Gertrude, and she'd do the duck and squattle when she saw me. I was the head chicken.

Animals choose their alpha people Who are we to argue or judge?

Horseshooter said...

Terrific writing; the permanent diet for a animal foodie is such ongoing emotional obsession. My girl Twix is one of those unfortunately afflicted. She has many behaviors to appear cute and adorable. Then there are the ones that were cute when she was little and downright dangerous as an adult: striking the gate with an extended forefoot in imperious Lipizzan style, and testing whether or not it would support her weight any more if she stood on it (and maybe, hmmm, slipped off and broke a leg? makes me insanely worried/mad.)

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