I'm releasing it now, dag-nabbit!

I spent today running amok. My tasks ran from posting my newest PNT column to taking my son's new car to be serviced, trying (but not succeeding) to get the title changed, checking on the status of my vendor booth at this summer's Concerts in the Park, and stopping by the store for groceries.

The result of all this is that my brain is amok. But for you, my peeps, I'm going to rein it in.

This morning, I read Helen Ginger's blog post, "Are You Kidding Me?" in which she shares an article she found on the internet stating the reason the Barnes & Noble Nook is so popular is because women hate technology and want simple gadgets, if they want any gadgets at all. Adding insult to injury, the article is written by a woman.

You all know I was a software engineer in a former life. I know lots of other women engineers. I know women who do all sorts of smart, techy stuff. Hell, I've met Sally Ride. So that article was like throwing gasoline on a fire, so much so that I was going to lead the charge into the ezine's cyber-offices and make them issue at least a balanced rebuttal.

Instead of prattling on about it, though, I'm going to take my fight to Facebook. If we got Betty White to host SNL, what else can we accomplish?

In the meantime I've been waiting to hear from my local library to set up a launch party for Hit or Missus. Once I had the date, I was going to release the book, along with details about the party. The problem is that my contact at the library isn't. Contacting me, that is. People get busy, I get it. But I can't put my book on hold while I wait for a phone call.

Perhaps it was my scattered brain trying to focus. Or maybe that article snapped me into taking strong, womanly action.  But I've made a decision.

I'm releasing Hit or Missus this Saturday, rain or shine. It will be available in paperback on Createspace, or in ebook format. I'll start the ebook on Kindle and Smashwords, so it'll migrate to the Nook, Kobo, Sony e-reader, etc. within a couple of weeks. I'll also offer autographed versions on my website.

Stay tuned for free Goodreads giveaways, contests and more!

Hit or Missus - It's all quite a process

When I decided to go ahead and use Createspace & Digital Platform services for my second Peri mystery, there was a little timeline in the back of my head that went:

1. Cover - one week
2. Format manuscript - one day
3. Publish - one day

Which sounded good, except that this timeline is totally bogus and an example of why I try not to schedule anything that doesn't involve my frontal lobe.

It took me a full day to just figure out how to make my manuscript's headers and footers look correct. Then I read the story again, and actually changed a couple of things in it. Joe has been working on the cover art, but to do a paperback, I also need a back cover, so I need to write a jacket blurb.

If you are an author, you understand how much I hate to write jacket blurbs. They are like query letters and synopses - you'd rather write a 110,000-word saga than that 250-word Reader's Digest version. Every time you think, "But that information is important," you have to ask yourself if it is needed. Will it tempt a buyer to pick up your book?

And more often than not, you don't know the answer to that question.

So I have two versions of the blurb. The first one was more or less what I used in my queries. For kicks, I submitted it to a website that likes to tear apart queries, where it was savaged. (I didn't have the heart to tell them it got me four requests for a full manuscript.) The second one is more like some of the blurbs I see on famous mystery authors' books (except for John Lescoart, whose jackets just have a picture of him surrounded by a bunch of glowing reviews).

Here are your assignments for the day:



1. Which blurb do you like best? (See below)
2. Should I try to get some reviews to quote? Or do you care, when you're cruising a bookstore, who liked the book you're holding?

Please help me. Otherwise, I shall be left to choose by myself, and I'm afraid the back of my brain will keep my frontal lobe out of the loop. We've seen how that turns out.

Jacket Blurb #1:

Peri Minneopa thinks she's taking a typical case: a rich businessman suspects his wife of cheating. Snapping pictures and collecting hotel receipts should be easy money. So color her surprised when she is suddenly being threatened, possibly by the woman herself, along with her gang of wealthy BFFs.



Her boyfriend, Skip, is worried, but as a detective in the Placentia Police Department, he has his own case to handle. Peri's elderly neighbor died of a heart attack, which wouldn't be unusual if her husband hadn't died of the same thing two weeks earlier. Skip doesn't believe in coincidences, and his suspicions prove correct.


Peri's cheating wife case soon collides with his murder case, and Peri finds it hard to keep her nose out of everything. The deeper she investigates, the more dangers she encounters. She's willing to ignore the threats on her life to get to the truth, until the bodies start piling up…


Skip's concern for her safety has led to constant fighting, leaving Peri feeling insecure about their relationship. Her self-doubts couldn't have come at a worse time, as a younger female officer is pursuing the handsome detective.


And in the middle of completing her case, defending herself against the vengeful wife and her friends, and protecting her relationship turf, her former client Benny Needles comes to her, needing a job.


Peri must decide what's worth keeping, her boyfriend, her career, or her sanity. Can't she have it all, with a dirty martini on the side?


Jacket Blurb #2:
 
COINCIDENCES HAPPEN…



Private investigations may be a new career for former housecleaner Peri Minneopa, but she's done a few surveillance assignments already. They're low stress - take some pictures, write a nice report and collect the fee. Her new case is a routine one, a rich husband suspects his wife of infidelity. Just because bad things start happening to her when she takes the job doesn't mean anything. It could be a coincidence.


Peri's boyfriend, Detective Skip Carlton, is investigating the death of Peri's elderly neighbor. It looks like a heart attack, which is how her husband died two weeks ago. It's not unusual for an elderly couple to die within a short time of each other. It could be a coincidence.


Skip's elderly couple had left legal papers lying out on the table, involving a year-old real estate purchase. An attached note from Peri's client, a real estate developer, doesn't mean anything. It could be a coincidence.


BUT IF IT WALKS LIKE A DUCK AND TALKS LIKE A DUCK…


Peri doesn't believe in coincidences, any more than Skip does. When their cases collide, she begins poking her nose into police business and immediately butts heads with her boyfriend. She wants to know who is harassing her, and what happened to her neighbor. Skip wants to keep her out of danger and keep his case from being compromised.


Getting to the truth will require help, and Peri gets it from an unlikely partner, an annoying little man who is obsessed with Dean Martin.


If she can keep her sanity and her life -


SHE MIGHT JUST SOLVE THIS CASE.

A new book for a new year

A quick post today, folks, introducing my latest book, which is now available on Amazon:









Gorgeous, yes? The cover art was designed by the fabulous Joe Felipe of Market Me Graphics. Love. Him.



People kept asking me when I was going to publish a book of my columns, and I kept saying, gee yes, I should do that. But when I approached agents/editors/publishers, their response was lukewarm at best.





"Yes, that sounds like a great idea, but you're not famous. Come back and see us when you're Dave Barry."





Not to sound pissy, but when I'm Dave Barry, I don't need to go see them. I might need to see a specialist, however.





So I decided to try out Amazon's CreateSpace program. You write the book, send them your stuff and they publish it. You get a bunch more money per sale than if you went the traditional route, and you have more control.





Control is not always a good thing. Having never published my own book before, I had to go a few rounds with them on page count, margin size, etc. Most of these corrections were because I didn't know what I was doing. Fortunately, CreateSpace was willing to work with me on fixing things. They do charge a little money for their part of the process, and they waived certain fees with me because they understood my floundering.





Now all I have to do is let everyone in the universe know it's out there so the people who like to laugh can buy it and get a giggle or two.





I don't have any signings lined up, but if you live near me and you buy a copy, let me know and I'll come sign it for you. Hell, I'll read it to you if you like. It'll be fun. We can do lunch.





Call me.

The ball, she is rolling!

I just got off the phone with the lovely folks at Amazon's Createspace, and I can officially say that I'm on my way to publishing my first book of columns. I say "first" because I'm hoping there'll be more.

I had to talk to a representative because I seemed to be in between the menu options they listed - I have cover art, designed by the wonderful Joe Felipe, but I feel unsure of myself when it comes to formatting the manuscript to look as professional as it can. So they figured out a "one from Column A, one from Column B" program for me, along with some phone numbers to call if I needed help. I'm guessing they mean help with my book. I could use some help emptying the trash and cleaning the patio...

ANYWHO. Here's my cover. I love it. More later.