Yes, Sirree, I'm going places

Namely, I'm going to the Santa Barbara Writer's Conference tomorrow (that's Tuesday the 12th). Apart from speaking on a panel, I've never actually attended this conference, so I'm going to recommend it with the following caveat: it's run by some truly wonderful writers/editors/publishers/word enthusiasts, so I expect nothing but excellence from them.

Sadly, it's too late to register (the conference started on Saturday and ends this Thursday), but put it on your radar for next year. It's expensive, mostly because it's almost a week long, but it looks like you get a lot of bang for your buck. Plus, it's in Santa Barbara, which is beautiful.

I'm going to be one of a few people talking about being the entrepreneurial author. I've been thinking about it recently, and I've decided I'm the accidental indie. Self-publishing was the furthest thing from my mind until I wanted to publish a book of my columns and no one wanted to touch it. After I published What Would Erma Do? I still vowed that my mysteries would travel the traditional path.

It took several months of cumulative information about the publishing industry to get me to walk out on that skinny limb and self-pub Hit or Missus. Was it a rousing success that catapulted me to stardom and fame? Yeah, not so much. It's been more of a roller coaster, up one month and down the next, as I try different marketing tactics.

But I wouldn't trade the journey for the traditional route now. I love having control of my covers, my titles, and my marketing. I don't want to "never say never" to traditional publishing, but for right now, this is the right path for me.

One of the things that seems to make a difference is offering a one-day freebie on Kindle. Sales usually rise for the rest of the month. This is why I'm offering Hit or Missus for free tomorrow (that's Tuesday the 12th). If you're smart, you'll grab it up for your Kindle. If you're kind, you'll buy it (LOL).

Mikey, RIP, a Corgi

Duffy, also a Corgi

In keeping with my embrace of self-publishing, I've decided to create a "home" for my books, as in an official press name. The first name I thought of was completely fitting: Dancing Corgi Press. I've had Joe Felipe hard at work designing a logo for me. So far, this is my favorite (but I still might want to mess with the font):

What say you?

The only thing left to do is everything

There are lots of experts and analysts who know why Borders failed, but from my perspective, it looks like their biggest problem was they didn't want to read the writing on the wall, much less follow the directions. When Amazon became The Place to order any book you want at any time you want it (and at a cheaper price), it should have been a warning bell for all booksellers. When they created the Kindle, that bell became a siren. Barnes & Noble heard it and answered with an updated web presence and the Nook. It may save them.

I'm talking about this because, no matter what business you're in or life you lead, you need to pay attention to the signs. If you see changes to your industry, figure out how to get in front of the curve. If you see changes to your neighborhood, your family, your health, get out and do something about it.

How far do you want the flames to crawl up your leg before you call the fire department?

In a weirdly coincidental manner, when I released Hit or Missus, the Kindle sales of my humor book, What Would Erma Do, shot up. They tripled in May, then doubled in June, and continued to rise significantly through July and August. What Would Erma Do is now consistently in the Top Ten of Amazon's Humor/Family & Parenting Kindle books. I can't explain it.

But I can capitalize on it.

My original plan was to complete the rough draft of the third (as yet unnamed) Peri book, then put out a second humor book, and perhaps another short story, before returning to edit the draft. I've rearranged my schedule, instead, to put Peri aside now. I'm assembling a second humor book.

It's very similar to the first book - I've selected fun and interesting columns from the next two years and inserted readers' comments and editorial amusements in between. They're not filler, you understand. They add to the context of the columns. The rough draft is complete. All I need to do now is edit.

Oh, and think of a good title.

The first one, What Would Erma Do? Confessions of a First Time Humor Columnist was just so perfect. How am I going to get people's attention with this new book?

My first thought was actually Two Years Before the Masthead, although I think it's too snooty and literary. It still makes me laugh, because when I read the book Two Years Before the Mast, I thought the title referred to an event. You know, two years before something happened, something called "The Mast." HA HA HA.

No.

I looked through the draft, searching for That Phrase to serve up to readers, the words that would jump off the page and create a title people would find catchy. There are quotes, but I couldn't think of how to make them title-worthy. For example:

"I could justify my love of cookbooks if I actually cooked."
"The pursuit of beauty is not a speed event." 
"Wolves mate for life because they can't speak English."

After a day or three, I started thinking about my bio - both the one in the newspaper and the one on my website. The newspaper says:

"Longtime Placentia resident Gayle Carline tracks those moments that shape her days as a wife, mom, computer whiz and horsewoman."

My website bio says:
"Gayle Carline is a typical Californian, meaning that she was born somewhere else. She moved to Orange County from Illinois in 1978, and landed in Placentia a few years later.

Her husband, Dale, bought her a laptop for Christmas in 1999 because she wanted to write. A year after that, he gave her horseback riding lessons. When she bought her first horse, she finally started writing.

Gayle soon became a regular contributor to California Riding Magazine, and in March, 2005, she began writing a humor column for her local newspaper, the Placentia News-Times. Every week, she entertains readers with stories of her life with Dale and their son, Marcus.

Believing that she should experience reincarnation while she is still alive, Gayle has been a software engineer, a dancer, and even a flying angel for the Crystal Cathedral’s Glory of Christmas.

In her spare time, Gayle likes to sit down with friends and laugh over a glass of wine. And maybe plan a little murder and mayhem."

I start thinking about my spare time. In my spare time... hmm... what could I do with that?

Using that train of thought, I've come up with two ideas:

1. And In My Spare Time, I Juggle Horses

2. And In My Spare Time, Wait, I Don't Have Any

What do you think about any of these? Or do you have any bright ideas?

I absolutely need a title so I can contact my cover designer and get him started on a cover. Please, if you've got any notions at all, let me know.

Don't misunderstand - I'm still going to write mysteries. But that genre is very competitive and I'm going to be working a long time to get a bigger share of the pie. In the meantime, I can see that humor is a smaller field and more lucrative, at least for me. I'm changing course only slightly, because I've heard the warning bell.

Dragging my feet... until I jumped

I did not want to be a self-published author.

In the old days, I saw what self-published authors produced. God love 'em, for all their good intentions, there was a sea of poorly written, badly formatted, cheaply bound dreck out there, all with hideous covers. My dear, departed uncle wrote a few books like that. He was a really good artist, but not such a good writer. I loved him, but couldn't bring myself to buy his books.

Thank you, no. I'll find a real publisher. Which I did, for FREEZER BURN. The book turned out really nice and I'll always be grateful for the experience. But for the next book, I decided I wanted to try something different.

Back when I was slogging my way through the writing of HIT OR MISSUS, I had this idea for a book of my newspaper columns. I wanted to write a kind of memoir around them and talk about how I got the job, the ideas for some of the columns, feedback from readers, etc. I'd call it WHAT WOULD ERMA DO? Referring, of course, to the great lady herself, Erma Bombeck, with whom I share a birthday.

I approached agents and publishers, who all said, "That sounds interesting. The thing is, you're not famous. Call us when you're Dave Barry."

First of all, I'm pretty sure that's identity theft. Second, I don't think my husband wants to be married to Dave.

When I had almost given up, I met up with a friend who is a prolific and very traditionally published writer. She had recently gotten the rights back to some of her titles, so she threw them onto the Kindle for consumption and was selling a lot. I mean, A LOT. Like, in a very short time, she was able to pay bills with her monthly income.

Hmm. Think-think-think. I already had a readership for my columns. My book of columns was a departure from my novel. I've already been published by a legitimate publishing house. What would it hurt to do my column book on my own?

I researched the online tools, hired an artist to do the cover, and threw WHAT WOULD ERMA DO to the masses as a paperback and an e-book.

And just like that, I was self-pubbed.

In the meantime, I finished HIT OR MISSUS and shopped it around. The entire time I was trying to find it a home, my FREEZER BURN readers were tapping me on my cyber-shoulder. "When's the next one coming out?" was their common question. Agents loved my story. They praised the pacing, the dialogue, the characters. However, it wasn't "right" for them at the moment. I knew what this meant. Agents need to sell to the big houses, and the big houses aren't buying midlist authors because they're only interested in The Blockbuster. I'm no idiot. HIT OR MISSUS is a good, solid, midlist mystery.

So, once again, I took the reins in my own hands. It was easier the second time around. I knew how to do pre-promotion work, how to format the book better, etc.

Suddenly, I wasn't just self-pubbed, I was an Indie Author.

As I prepared for the Santa Barbara Writer's Conference, I thought about how far my thinking had come and what it meant to me. There is still a lot of dreck out there, and the hope is that readers will discover the non-dreck, but in the meantime, the indie authors who want to not only succeed in the business but also raise self-publishing out of the mire and into the mainstream must push themselves constantly toward perfection. Our books must be high quality, in both content and form. We must write better than our best work, to show the world that Indie Authors are serious about their craft.

And then I thought about my life. I won't get embarrassingly personal, but I was raised in a very co-dependent home with a closet alcoholic and a family full of people who wanted to be in the middle of my brain at all times. Psychologically, people raised this way spend their lives trying REALLY HARD to appear NORMAL, which means they end up as overachievers.

After that, I worked as an engineer for years, in a field populated by a lot (not all) of men. Our employer made certain our pay was equal and harassment was treated seriously, etc. But there was an understanding about what women could do versus men: the guy sitting next to me could be an aggravating slob and they'd call him assertive. If I did it, I was a bitch.

So I've learned to work harder and smarter, just to be considered equal to those around me. Do I have to continue doing this to convince people my books are as good as the authors at Random House?

Bring it on. I'm not afraid of a little work.

Out of the frying pan...

I don't know what kind of fire I'm leaping into, but it can't be worse than the dance I've been doing in the Teflon.

For months now, I've been shopping my second Peri Minneopa Mystery book around to agents. Several asked for a full manuscript, which was heartening. Knowing agents (from other author tales), I knew I could have a long wait before they responded.

In the meantime, the publishing world has gone - wild? off-kilter? broken the chains of its corporate oppressors? I don't know how to describe it. If you live under a rock, you haven't heard that Borders declared bankruptcy and will probably pay pennies on the dollars they owe publishing houses. Barry Eisler, thriller-writer-extraordinaire, turned down a $500,000 advance in order to self-publish. Amanda Hocking, self-published-wonder-kid, who sold over a million books, was offered a $2 million deal from a publisher.

It's a crazy time to be a writer, with lots of columns on the menu of publishing choices.

I self-pubbed What Would Erma Do? because the agents/publishers I approached didn't think they could sell it, due to my lack of fame. I knew I had a platform, and an inkling of how to get the word out on the internet, so I thought I could just do it on my own. I hired the wonderful Joe Felipe to design my cover, worked with Createspace and Amazon's Digital Platform services, figured out how to upload to Smashwords, and started working the Inter-Network. Facebook, Twitter, Amazon discussion boards, Kindle Boards, other blogger's blogs, you name it.

The worst part of self-publishing is watching your book languish, and fall, in the Amazon rankings because no one is buying it. I swear, I could hear crickets chirping every time I logged into my account. But Michele Scott told me it takes time, so I'm attempting patience.

Now I'm starting to see one Erma e-book sale a day. No, it's not an avalanche. But it's one more than yesterday. Color me optimistic.

Back to the subject at hand: my second Peri book. While waiting for agents and listening to more than one person ask when the second book will be out, I began thinking. I have a cover artist. I know how to use the tools. Why not self-pub the second one?

As you can imagine, the entrepreneur angel and the traditional-book-deal angel started an argument of epic proportions in my head. My little traditional heart wanted to be able to say, "Why, yes, it will be released by Penguin next February," in that smugly humble way of authors. My desire to keep the Peri stories going said, "Screw that. Michele Scott's not afraid of being self-pubbed. Neither is Eisler, or Konrath, or a host of other really good writers. Get your work out there."

I was almost convinced to go ahead and self-publish, but there was one more avenue I wanted to try. There is a boutique publishing company that I admire a lot. I decided to submit to them. If they said no, I'd go it alone, and forget about the agents.

They said no. Not because of my writing. They really liked my writing, and thought the book could do well. They're just booked for the next 18 months or so and didn't think I'd want to wait until 2013 for a release, which is true. They've been nothing but kind and I'll continue to support them.

So right now, I'm working with Joe on cover art and giving the manuscript yet another scrutiny, mostly because I always think I can do better. I will keep everyone in the loop about when Hit or Missus will be available, and yes, I'll make it available in paperback and e-book format.

In the meantime, got any opinions about the cover? I like these two samples, for different reasons (forgive the horrible quality of the pictures - Joe and I work from pdf versions first, and the only way I can get them into the post is to scan a printout - lame, I know).

I like the block color format of this one, and the title in red. My only issue with it is the crack in the martini glass isn't AS vivid as the cover below.

I like the dark, edgy quality to this, and the way the crack in the glass is easy to see. I think my name needs to be smaller, and one of my friends thought the red slash was a red carpet and it didn't make sense to her.

Would anyone like to give me their opinion? About the covers, I mean. Actually, I guess you can give me your opinion about anything. But I could use some advice about the covers.

Is it warm in here, or is it just me?

Why buy the cow?

If you're a writer and you haven't checked out Scribd.com, do so as soon as your tush hits the chair and you read this blog. Because, of course, the first thing you do when you fire up the laptop is check for a new edition of my blog, right?

Okay, I couldn't type that with a straight face.

Anyway, Scribd is an online resource for posting your writing and gaining a readership. When I first tried it, I wasn't that convinced. I started by posting a few chapters of Hit or Missus, my as-yet-unpublished follow up to Freezer Burn. I thought, well, let's see if I can get anyone's interest, or even critiques of what I've got going. For those of you who are saying, wait, what publisher will want your material after you've published it online?

First of all, I won't put the whole thing on Scribd. Second, if I can show a publisher that I've got this audience anxiously waiting for the end of the story, how is that going to hurt me?

The results were slow at first, and then picked up to a nice, if moderate pace. I find that I have to re-readcast my work every once in awhile to re-generate interest.

The real interest came when I posted a few files of What Would Erma Do? I began with a simple teaser, then posted the first chapter, and finally an excerpt dealing with a topic I had addressed recently. My audience increased immediately to over a thousand reads. It seems like one more way to reach readers via the Internet.

The reason I'm telling you all this is that one of the items I've read is a paper by Jacqui Murray called How to Publish Your Blog on Kindle. Apparently, people give Amazon a link to feed their blogs to a subscription service for the Kindle. Readers can subscribe for a nominal fee.

Pay for a blog? Are they nuts?

I can't honestly figure out why anyone would buy a subscription to what they can get for free, unless, as Jacqui points out, they don't always have access to a computer but do carry a Kindle or an iPad and must have your blog right now. Seems like a pretty flimsy excuse, but she's making a little money off her blog. Not enough to buy the private island with a jet, but a few bucks every month.

You know me - I figured, why not? My blog is now available for the low, low fee of $1.99 a month, delivered to your device automatically. FYI, Amazon set the subscription price. Some blogs are $0.99, some are $1.99, and a few are higher. I don't know how they figure the rate, but I get a cut of it.

I'll let you know how the experiment progresses.

There's really no excuse

Remember when I was kvetching about no one wanting to download my book for free? Oh, wait, that was my last post. I was trying to give away some free books to get some word-of-mouth going about What Would Erma Do?

After all, a lot of my other author friends do that and end up with even more people who want to buy their books.

So I planned for a free giveaway through Smashwords for a couple of weeks, ending this Wednesday. Oddly enough, Smashwords was preparing their own promotion...

This week is Smashwords' "Read an e-book a week" week. They are offering participating books at greatly reduced prices, from 25% off to just plain free. Since I already had the free thing going on, I tagged on to the end of their campaign.

This means you now have until March 12th to download What Would Erma Do? Confessions of a First-time Humor Columnist for free. They offer SEVERAL formats, including Kindle, Nook, Sony, pdf, html... you can even download it to your computer and read it there.

So what are you waiting for? Go get it! NOW, before you have to pay $2.99, which is totally still worth it.

If you're wondering if it's any good, here are a few reviews from Goodreads (here's the link in case you think I'm making this up):

"I absolutely loved this book. It started with me laughing out loud at "...unless you count my Christmas letter of 1995. I have to admit, it was a killer." and continued through out the whole book. I love reading the columns and now I can't help but wonder if someone has changed any of the title or left out the good part of columns that I have read. Nothing like reading a humor columnist columns and laughing. Great fast read!"

"I enjoy these types of books, a slice of life thing. This is a fun read and I'm now following Gayle's blog."

"Gayle has a saucy sense of humor like Erma Bombeck and makes me laugh out loud at several of her columns. I won this copy through the giveaways program. I plan to pass this one around among my friends - especially those who have a similar way with words!"

In the meantime, I'm in the middle of rehosting my website and the webmaster has to do some behind-the-scenes wackiness that involve DSNs and nameservers and domains. So my website is in limbo until all that's done. I'll let you all know when it's back up so you can critique it.

Because I suspect you, like myself, love to give people your opinion as often as possible.

Ah-hem... tap-tap... is this thing on?

What does a girl have to do to get noticed? Better yet, what would Erma do?

That would be Erma Bombeck, humor writer extraordinaire, who, if she didn't pave the way for slice-of-life humor essayists, at least smoothed the path for those of us who followed. Erma died too young, at 69, due to complications from a kidney transplant. I imagine if she had lived, we'd still be reading her in magazines, seeing her on TV, and looking for her books in the stores.

On a side note, I just read the previous sentence and was struck by how I wrote that we would be "reading her" instead of "reading her stories." That was the heart of Erma Bombeck - we were always reading HER. It was always her voice telling us tales of her life. Whether they were funny or poignant, or even exaggerated to the point of no return, we felt like we knew her by the end of every 500 words.

Not only do I love humor essays, I was born on her birthday: February 21st, which makes me feel very close to her even if I'm not.

So now that I have been a humor essayist for six years, I thought it was time to put out a book of my columns, which I've talked about here. I named the book What Would Erma Do? because it was, and is, a common mantra of mine.

Me: "Should I do x or y?"
Me Again: "I don't know. What would Erma do?"

I realize that you have to advertise and promote and sometimes give free samples in order to build your audience. I gave 5 free autographed copies out at Goodreads, which was fun. I've also offered free e-downloads at Smashwords until March 9th.*

Here's the thing - I've only had TWO people take me up on the free download offer. Really? Really, people? The cool thing about Smashwords is that you can download in any format. Kindle, pdf, rtf, lrf (for Sony e-readers), Nook, html, plain text, you name it, they've got it. And it's free right now. FREE.

Just go to http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/40096, select your format and enter XW39W for the coupon code.

My only request is, if you like it, please either post a review on Amazon, or leave it in the comments on my blog, or email your nice words to me. If you don't like it, I don't mind a bad review if it's 1) a thoughtful analysis of what you didn't like; or 2) funny, although snarky. I don't want to hear that I'm ugly and my mother dresses me funny. Preaching to the choir, kids.

*Why March 9th? Because it's the first day of Lent, so I thought I'd offer the freebie while I was still feeling celebratory.

Emitting waves of crazy

INSANITY: Doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results. - Albert Einstein

I spend part of every day playing ball in the family room with my dog, Duffy. The routine is, well, routine. I throw the ball down the hallway, he catches it and runs back toward me, then at some point, he starts to chew on the ball. This is a bad sign. I know he will then wedge the ball underneath the coffee table. Having wedged the ball firmly, he paws furiously and whines until I extricate the ball, yell at him about it, and we start the process again.

He knows that pushing the ball under the table will result in not being able to retrieve it. I know that he will push the ball under the table and I'll have to dig it out.

Which one of us is more insane?

I'm only asking these questions because I'm asking myself similar questions about being a writer. What processes do I keep repeating that never worked in the first place?

For example, when I published Freezer Burn, everyone was designing and distributing bookmarks, so I did, too. I handed them out, at signings, book festivals, libraries, you name it. Did they increase my visibility and my sales? I haven't a clue.

And yet, I designed a bookmark for What Would Erma Do. I haven't ordered them yet, because I'm wondering, especially in this digital age, are they worth the paper they're printed on?

Given the fact that there is an estimated 300,000 books being published this year, and not counting the bazillions of books from years past that people are just discovering, I'm wondering how to maximize my exposure without having to post that sex video. (Just joking. REALLY.)

If you're an author, what kinds of things are you doing differently to get people's attention? If you're a reader, what is turning your head in today's market?